I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
