I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
