I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
