When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my liver is dry heaving
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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