im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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