Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
