I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
