Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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