my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina is officially offended.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
