She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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