ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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