my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
