i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
