just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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