I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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