you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
