don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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