That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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