This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
