I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
