I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
