Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
