His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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