is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
