I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
