then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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