Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
