whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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