He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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