Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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