At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
