he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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