you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
