I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
