So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
