so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
