We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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