im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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