I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
