i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
