I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
nutella sex= disaster
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
