my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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