haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Holy sore nipples Batman
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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