mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
