True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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