dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
