My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
