I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
