Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
