And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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