just tell him i said nine months
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize