it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
