Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
