how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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