I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
