I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
