Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
