she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I AM VODKA MAN
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
