Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
