i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
