hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
