Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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