see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
