I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
