Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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