Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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