is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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