I smell stomach acid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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