The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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