so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
