So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
