just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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