Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
