What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
