I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
