I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
