i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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