You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
